Wow.

Myspace.

It's my best friend...

It's my worst enemy.

I love it and hate it all at once.

But one wonderful thing about it is that I find out all kinds of things about my teens and who they are and who they hang out with and how they perceive themselves. I occasionally get on and just kind of browse through their pages and what they're writing. Yesterday I came across this blog entry:

"I wish emotional pain never existed. I've realized that emotional pain always drives me to do stupid things that I know I shouldn't be doing, like drinking, ditching, bitching at random people for absolutely no reason, even trying to take my own life. I don't know why I do it; probably because it makes me feel like I have power and people can't control me. I live my own life.
I've realized how many times I've thought about suicide; it's countless. I don't even know how to explain it or where to begin, but I realized that temptations and urges to breathe my last breath was common from the beginning of freshman year. Most people already know why, and if you don't, then you're going to have to ask in private, because I'm not the same person I was 4 years ago--the person who was open about who I liked, and didn't give a damn about what the world thought... That's gone.
I've been feeling this way for a long time. I don't know why. It's been stirring in my mind since mid-summer. A lot of things happened since I got home from retreat that have changed my life; things that I should be grateful for, but for some reason, I take it for granted. I guess the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that there are people who are going through what I'm going through. One of these people is going through pretty much the same thing I went through freshman year that led to my downfall. She's someone I looked up to since my sophomore year, when my sister started bringing me to church and then left me. I was more of looking for a "sister-figure" that I could depend on, because my sister couldn't be with me anymore, and this person (some how) became my sister-figure. A few months ago, things started to happen that pretty much changed her. Don't get me wrong; I still look at her and love her like my very own sister, but seeing how she has to deal with the things she goes through every day really breaks my heart, especially knowing how it feels through every perspective. And seeing who she is and knowing that she has to hide her emotions for work everyday because so many people look up to her really inspires me. I don't know why, but it just makes me want to keep going with my life.
Sometimes things get in the way and I lose track, and often times I feel frustrated and stressed to the point where I just want to give up, but I often think about who she is and what she's going through, yet she's still hanging strong, and it kind of helps me.

Considering that it's not 2:40-ish, I think I should go do my homework. =) Bye!"

My name was not mentioned but I know that she is talking about me. As I started reading, my heart was broken for this girl. Sometimes you can talk a kid to death... and you can listen as much as they talk, and you still have no idea the extent of what they're thinking. I read the beginning and it sounded so hopeless. But as I read on, I started to see a spark of hope. And I realized that the God I serve is AWESOME. I mean, I already knew that, but seeing Him take my crummy circumstances and actually use that to HELP one of my teens... that makes it all worth going through. Over and over again I have seen God use this situation and I know that He will continue to use it. I am so thankful that my God is more powerful than anything or anyone else!