I love my job.
It is so much more than just a job for me.
It is my life.
It is my heart.
These teenagers... they are my life... my heart.
I laugh with them, cry with them, hurt for them, pray for them.
They occupy my thoughts, my prayers, my plans for the future.


We do real youth ministry here.
And I gotta tell you, real ministry doesn't always happen inside the church walls.
It isn't always happy victories, and funny stories.
Sometimes it's downright messy, heartbreaking and brutal.
But it's real.

Javier and I both spend an immense amount of time with these kids within the church walls at events, services, youth group, Bible studies, counseling, and when they just wander into our offices after school.

But we also spend a ton of time outside the church walls.... whether it's at an organized event off site, an impromptu movie, a lunch at school, a football game, or when we see them walking down the street and stop to have a conversation. We live life with them. It's a wonderful thing when you realize that as much as you have invested in their lives, they want you to be a part of them. We often get invited to performances, birthday parties, graduation parties, and even occasionally, family events.

We give rides to kids from one place to another, even if we aren't staying at either place, because some of the BEST ministry happens on that car ride.

These kids are really what we live for. Their hearts... their souls... that's why we do what we do.

I firmly believe that because of those things, the teens are open and honest with us. We don't walk away from difficult situations, and when we are confronted with conflict, we work through it with the teens. That is part of the importance of what we do: teaching these kids to deal with things... to do the right thing even when it's hard... to confront things head on and trust God to take care of us.

I really debated whether or not to post this, because it is difficult and messy, and not like the funny stories I usually post. But my heart is aching... breaking... for some of my students. For those of you who read this and are in youth ministry, maybe this can be an encouragement to you. For those of you who aren't, please pray for those that are.

Last Wednesday night in the middle of youth group, we had a breakdown. One of my boys came to me and said, "Diandra, the girls are in the bathroom crying, and they won't come out." So I went to the bathroom and sure enough, three of my girls were crying hysterically. They tried to explain to me what was going on, but I could hardly understand their broken words through the sobs. Finally I pieced together what was going on. The girls were having a feud with another girl in their class and had broken into her house with a butter knife and taken a bunch of her clothes. Now the police were looking for them, and they were scared.

I quickly ushered them into my office and called Javier. After speaking with the girls, he and I stepped out of the office and started discussing our options. Then we made the most difficult decision we've had to make since starting youth ministry. We needed to call the police. We went back into the office, told the girls what we were going to do, and then prayed with them. We told them to be honest and to do the right thing. They agreed. Then the police came. They spent quite a while questioning each of the girls individually. I spent every ounce of energy I had trying not to cry.

When they were done questioning the girls, the police called the girl whose stuff had been stolen. We all expected her to press charges, and the girls were facing some major consequences if she did. But she just wanted her stuff back, and she decided not to press charges. So the police took our girls with them to get the stuff and return it, and deliver the girls into the hands of their parents.

As we watched the police cars drive away, I broke down. I cried. Hard. I knew that the girls were going to be okay, I knew that they'd learned a valuable lesson, and I knew that God had done a miracle and showed them grace in all of it. But I still cried. Because sometimes youth ministry is messy. Sometimes it hurts. And that night was the hardest in the history of my youth ministry... until this week.

We have a pretty large group of teens. They come from all different walks of life, all of them have different family dynamics, many of them are different ethnicities, and they're at all different stages of spiritual growth. For the most part, the kids put their differences aside, and we have a pretty successful meshing of teens. But on Wednesday night, these differences became evident.

Before youth group, there was an exchange of words between a few of the kids when one of them was cussing and another asked him to stop. One of our wonderful leaders, Shannon, was able to calm them down and talk them through it. They were seemingly okay and were told to stay away from each other for the rest of the evening. We had a wonderful service, and God really moved. After everything was broken down and put away from the service, the kids were hanging out.

The boy that had told the other to stop cussing (we'll call him Scott) was playing basketball. All of the sudden, another boy that had been involved in all of this (we'll call him Eric), came at Scott with a hockey stick. He hit him in the back of the head so hard that the top of the hockey stick broke off. Scott went down. Eric continued to beat him with the wooden handle of the hockey stick. Javier ran at him yelling, and it apparently scared Eric enough that he dropped the hockey stick. Javier grabbed him and held him so he couldn't move. Shannon rushed to Scott and held his head to stop the bleeding, and I called 911. Then the chaos ensued.

Scott was rushed to the hospital, and was later released with 7 staples in his head, damage to his ribs, and a whole lot of bruising. He could have been killed. God definitely protected him. Eric was picked up by the police and taken to a juvenile detention center. He will have to appear before a judge.

Many of our teens witnessed the whole thing, and were scared and shaken. Youth group is a safe place for them... a refuge for many of them whose family lives are crazy and miserable. But their sense of security was shaken.

So was mine.

I am a girl. I am an emotional girl. Not only that, but I genuinely, honestly LOVE my kids. All of them. Even when they make bad choices. So my heart was broken. I held it together until the kids were gone, and then I cried.
I cried for Scott, and for his family and his pain.
I cried for Eric... for his soul, for his anger, for his hurt.
I cried for my kids... for the impact I knew this had had on them.
And I cried, because it was hard.

Sometimes youth ministry is hard. Sometimes it is ugly and scary and real.
The good news is, as my dad always says, the only battles we lose are the ones we don't fight.

Friday night, we sat down with a small group of the teens to talk through the situation. Scott was there. Eric was not. Another kid was also there... the one who had been cussing in the teen room. At the end of the time, our teens had grown closer together in this, and decided that they were not going to let Satan win this battle. Scott and the other teen hugged. They laughed together. They put the past behind them... all 3 years of it... and decided to start fresh and allow God to use them. They no longer wanted the hurt, anger, and frustration.

I pray for Scott.
I pray to God that he still loves Jesus.
I pray that he learns through all of this.
I pray that my teens will surround him with Christ's love.
I pray for forgiveness... for restoration.

I serve an AWESOME God.
A God of new beginnings.
A God of love and forgiveness and faithfulness.
A God that is there, even when it is hard, and even when I can't do it alone.
I am so thankful that I don't have to do it alone... that my God is with me every step of the way.
I am thankful that all of my teens are alive and healthy.
I am thankful that God can take what Satan meant for evil and use it for good...
For GREAT!

Sunday was Easter.
My God is not held by a cross and 3 nails.
My God is not held by a tomb.
My God keeps His promises.

We had a baptism service and baptized 6 of our teens (more about that in another blog).
I was reminded of God's promises...
As my teens stood one by one and read testimonies for their friends, and as others joyfully stepped into that baptismal, I was reminded that God loves them more than I do. That as I sat crying that Wednesday night, God cried harder. It hurt him more than it hurt me. He loves them so much that He DIED for them. On a cross. And then He rose!

So in the midst of the trials... of the difficulties, I am joyful in knowing that God wins.

Sunday was AMAZING!
The service was great.
God moved (as always) :)
But one REALLY HUGE thing happened!

Brian accepted Jesus!

Now it's always a big deal when one of the teens accepts Jesus. We celebrate with them and we're excited. We are fortunate that this happens quite often in our youth group.

But this time... it was even more exciting. If you don't know about Brian... you need to read his history. I have written about him several times, but never mentioned him by name. Check it out:

Click Here to read the blog I wrote about how he came to our youth group.

Click Here to see him dressed as Santa... for no apparent reason...

Click Here to read the latest blog about Brian where he's struggling with God.

This kid has been a rollar coaster of questions and emotions... he's struggled, fought and wrestled with the idea of God and who God is, and why God would love him. He's gone from being an Atheist, to believing that there COULD be a god, to believing that there probably is a god... but why would he want me, to believing that there is absolutely a God, but needing a miracle to prove it, to asking Jesus into his heart!

He was so excited on Sunday! He was telling everyone who would listen that he "accepted Jesus today"... and his face just absolutely GLOWED!

I dont know all of the circumstances that lead up to his decision on Sunday, but it was about time! Boy is God great! And He sure does answer prayers! There were people all over the country that have been praying for Brian. And on Sunday, those prayers were answered. I thank God that I got to see his journey... but even more, that he loves Jesus now!

Here's Brian with our Intern Sarah at church on Wednesday.

Sometimes I cannot help but laugh right out loud at some of the things the kids say and do.

We were talking about Lot and his wife turning into salt in Sunday School last week. One of the kids (after some thought), says, "If I turned into salt, would you use me on your french fries?"

:) :) :) :) :)

Javier was reviewing with the teens about something he'd talked about the week before. The conversation went like this,

Javier: What did I say last week about Satan?
Teen 1: That he's a piece of crap.
Javier: No.
Teen 2: That he has no power.
Javier: Yeah, that's right.
Teen 1: Crap has no power...

I did laugh out loud at that one. I just can't hold it back sometimes.

:) :) :) :) :)

Some of the kids are taking a leadership/discipleship class with the adults. My dad was teaching one night and came home with this story...
They were talking about what Heaven was going to be like.
Teen 1: Can I have wings when I get to Heaven?
Teen 2: You wont even have a body... you'll just be a squiggle... with a tail!

:) :) :) :) :)

I find so much joy in this job. it is really neat to see lives changed right in front of me and to see kids "get it". But not only at those points... the whole journey. These teens are amazing people and they have so much going on in their heads... I love it when they share with us!

I grew up in Oregon.
Home of snowy, rainy winters...
...weather below 60 degrees (and if it gets above 60, you wear shorts!)...
...warm clothes (including but not limited to: hats, scarves, mittens, coats...)...
...icy roads (yes, ice. it's not just for cooling down your drink!)...
...warm boots (complete with socks!!)...
...real fires in fireplaces (used for warmth!)...
...and common sense.

I now live in Southern California.
Home of dry, warm winters...
...weather that never goes below 70 (and if it does, people panic)...
...t-shirts and shorts (even in the rare rain storm)...
...icy cold cokes...
...flip flops (even if it is weirdly cold or wet)...
...fireplaces that are just for show...
...and NO weather sense.

Dont believe me? Check out these pictures of my teens in the snow... PROOF!!!

Shorts and T-shirts...
Yes... those are flip flops...
Shorts and a t-shirt... and he's even THROWING A SNOWBALL!!!
More shorts... although at least he has a sweatshirt on...T-shirt... notice the waterproof pants UNDER the ripped jeans???

t-shirt and glove??? But only ONE glove...
t-shirt and gloves... at least he has both of them...
Notice how bundled up I am??? She's wearing a t-shirt.
a scarf with a t-shirt... at least he has it wrapped around his neck!


We were getting ready to go to winter camp, and Javi comes out with a scarf draped around his neck. He says, "Did you know that they ACTUALLY keep your neck warm???"

In our youth group, we have a cross.

We have gotten rid of the traditional alters, and instead, we have a wooden cross that acts as the alter. It stands at the front of the gym next to the stage. The teens will leave their seats throughout the service and go to the cross to pray. Sometimes they stand... sit... kneel... whatever it may be, the come to the cross and pour out their hearts to God.
Wednesday night last week, one of the teens who is still somewhat new to our youth group, came up to Javier in the middle of the service and asked "Why is everyone going to the cross? What is it for?" Javier explained to him. I was watching from the back and assumed that he would go and sit back down in his seat. Instead, he walked over to the cross, knelt down and began to pray.

God is doing huge things here in the lives of our teens. This same kid started coming with one of our girls several weeks back after she'd asked him and asked him to come. He'd turned her down several times saying that church is "weird". But she didn't give up. Eventually he came (I think out of curiosity) and not only did he go to the cross last week, but he gave his life to Jesus. I get chills now even writing this. Because that girl was faithful and didn't give up at the first sign of hesitation, there is another life in the kingdom!

I am so proud of my kids and the way they show Jesus' love. Not just by bombarding their friends with invitations to church (although that happens too), but by simply living their lives and telling their friends what God is doing.

I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 4 years old. It's hard for me to remember a time when I didn't believe in God. Even the short period of my life when I wasn't serving God, I still believed He existed... I was just mad at him. So it's hard for me to imagine how some of these teens feel... the ones that don't believe in God.

There's one teen in particular that came to our youth group because some of our teens were evangelizing on their own at the grocery store down the street. Several months later, this teen is an active member of our youth group. When he came to us, he said he was an atheist. He has since decided he believes in God, but he wants to see a miracle before he'll accept God. He has a plan to put himself in a box... and see if God gets him out. We've been talking to him about how you shouldn't test God, and trying to work through some things with him.

The other night, he was talking to pastor Orlando...

***Side note: I think it is the COOLEST thing that our teens are comfortable enough to go to our senior pastors (or any other pastor on staff) and talk to them about their lives... their problems... the things they're doing... or just what they like to do. We are blessed to have pastors that show interest in our teens. It seems to me that most youth groups are kind of shunned in churches, but ours has been embraced. It's made all the difference in the world.

...so the other night he was talking to Pastor Orlando, who told him that God says the only place we can test him is with our finances. After having this conversation, the teen emptied his pockets, handed Javier about 15 cents and said "That's all I have but God can have it." Needless to say, it was hand delivered directly to the offering.

We've also started taking offering in our youth services and teaching the kids about giving and being a part of a WHOLE church... not just a youth group.

Sunday morning, one of our teens chased my dad down with a handful of money and said, "I need to give my faith promise! Is there somewhere I can do that?" Our teens are starting to see what it means to really give God 100% of your WHOLE life... even when it's not a lot. I think God sees these things and just beams with joy... I know I do!

Here's a funny video that was sent to me today that goes along with this:

A couple of weeks ago we headed down to Mexico for the day. It was the most amazing trip yet! We loaded up in 3 cars: Pastor Gabriel's van, Rene's truck, and my car. We headed down to the border and as usual, we stopped at McDonald's right before going across :) Then we began to pray as we crossed over the border. You see, we can be fined or turned around if we get caught bringing the stuff that we bring over the border. So every time as we go through, we just pray that God gets us through. This time was no different. Gabriel's van made it through... my car made it through... but Rene's truck (which was carrying most of our stuff) was stopped. They wouldn't accept money from them (which is just unheard of there!) and they turned them around and sent them home. So now we were left with only 2 vehicles and without most of the toys and clothes. We had to change our plan of attack. So we headed to a different place than we'd initially planned. When we got there, we had to decide what to do. Should we hand out what we had even though we didn't have enough for everyone? After much discussion, that's exactly what we decided to do. So we gathered everyone around and Gabriel and Javier talked to them about God. We had 3 people that accepted Jesus! Then we began handing out the toys, blankets and clothes that we had. And they just kept coming... we'd finish giving out all that we had, and close the van doors, and then we'd open the van and it was like God multiplied what we'd had because there would be more! At the end of the day, we had enough! It was so cool to see God so plainly do a miracle! It reminded me of when Jesus fed 5000 with only a loaf of bread and fish.

Just wanted to share that story and some pictures... so here are some of my favorites from the trip.

Waiting at the border for Rene (little did we know...) Javier decided to take a nap.
When we got there, the people all rushed around us.
Javier and Gabriel telling people about God.
Javier praying for the people that accepted Jesus
Me and Crystal
Me and Karla (one of the girls we see every time we go.)
Me and Mango (with a soccer ball on his head). He's another one we see each time.
Handing things out and hanging out with the people there.
Javier talking to the guys that accepted Jesus.
Me, the teens that went and a couple of our new friends.
Me and Mango again (he loves me) :)
This man had this super cool bike he'd made... and he was kind enough to let us ride it! It was pretty fun!

One of our Mexico traditions is going to eat tacos before we go home...
Javier even got a little daring and tried a pepper... I don't think he'll be doing that again anytime soon...
Here are a few more of my favorites from the trip...

...my teens are amazing. They're hilarious, and they're thoughtful and they touch my heart.

A few days ago, I was driving with a couple of teens and we'd just picked up food. I looked over in the passenger seat and the teen that was sitting there had his hand out the window and a french fry in it. I didn't think much of it. I kept driving. Then I saw him reach in the bag and take out another one. I looked over and again he had his hand out the window with the fry in it. I asked him if he was throwing fries out the window. He replied, "No, they're hot. I'm just airing them out." And then he popped the fry in his mouth. :)

Sometimes my teens do things that I don't think they even realize that just make me want to hug them. One of the things we're doing right now, is allowing the kids to teach on Friday nights. It's been really cool to work through that with them and help to develop and teach them how to be leaders. So the other night, one of our boys was teaching. And he started quoting stuff that I'd said in other lessons. I was so proud! Not so much that he quoted me (although that was pretty cool) but that he'd been listening and that he'd understood!

I came into the office this morning and found this email from that same teen:

Hey Diandra how you doing? I wanted to send you my bball schedule so if you wanted to some of the rest of them. Thanks a lot for your support. And once again great job on Sunday. You did really well. And in case you don't know it you are a great youth pastor, and I am thankful that you are my and the whole youth group's pastor. Your compassion and love and desire is really great and I thank you for always being there for me and all of us. Not only are you my youth pastor but I also consider you a good friend of mine. I'm really glad that after Christine left, God chose you to step in and you did a wonderful job of taking over. I'm sorry if I'm being too mushy mushy but I just want you to know that you are appreciated and that you if you ever feel discouraged I can pray for you or just be a friend. Because I'm sure it can be tough sometimes, but just know that we all love you. Alright see you on Wednesday.

It is really a privilege to be able to be a part of the lives of these teens. I feel so uplifted and encouraged by them. They're amazing and they don't even know it!

We have started a new year... and with that, we've decided that we need to do some things differently. Javier is determined to be organized and on time. So far he has been pretty organized... he even lines up his pens on his desk. As for on time... well that will come :) I've decided to try to have a little bit of a life. I spend so much time at the church (which is not a bad thing) but I'm trying to make sure I have time with my friends and family as well. But we've also made some changes in the direction of the youth group. We're working on planning na dorganizing more ahead of time... although we sat down to plan the calendar for the year, and we got through March and Javi couldn't think any farther ahead :) So that has to be done in small doses.

One of the things we're pretty excited about is Evangelism. We have planned one evangelism day each month. So a couple of weeks ago we ventured out for our first one. We weren't really sure what to expect.. We thought maybe 2 or 3 teens would show up, but if not, we were prepared to do it anyway. So we printed out little cards...
...and we headed to the Long Beach town Center which is like a big outdoor shopping center with a movie theater and food court. We were happily suprised to be met by about 15 teens! We haded out the cards to the teens, prayed together and off they went to talk to people. It wasn't long before security cornered Javvy (Javier's 16 year old son) and told him we couldn't do that there, that it was private property. In the process of being kicked out, Javvy had this conversation with the security guard:

Javvy (while playing guitar): "Do you go to church?"
Security: "I'm sorry but you can't be doing that here."
Javvy: "I just asked if you go to church"
Security: "No."
Javvy: "Well do you want to come to ours? we have a service tomorrow."

Needless to say, the teens were awesome. They stepped out of their comfort zones and they did a fantastic job! And they were even disappointed when we couldn't continue!

* * * * *

Last week we went to a local high school to watch one of our teens play in a basketball game. As we were leaving, we saw two girls running around the corner and into the bathroom. A couple seconds later, one of our teen boys came running after them. He saw me, and he said, "Oh good! You're a girl! Go in there and tell them you're my youth pastor! I want them to go to church!"

It turns out he'd been chasing the girls around trying to get them to go to youth group!

It's exciting to see our teens getting excited about God... and spreading that excitement and enthusiasm to the people around them. God is doing huge things in our youth group... I really believe that a revival is starting with our teens!

I am sitting at my grandma's house in Oregon. Every year we head up this direction for Christmas to visit our family. This year, we're sitting in the middle of a blizzard :)

Last week in Sunday School, we were talking about my upcoming trip. I said that I was going to bring my Nike Cortez shoes (if you dont know what I'm talking about, read this blog before you continue). This is how the conversation went:

Diandra: "I'm one tough cookie... they won't know what to do with me in Oregon" :)
Teen: "More like a THUG cookie"
Diandra: "What exactly is a thug cookie?"
Teen: "It's a cookie with LA written on it and Nike Cortez shoes."

I wanted to share a couple of stories of what God has been doing in our youth group. Because even in 2008... God still does things!

Last week I was preparing to teach. We've been going through the book of John bit by bit. It was my turn to teach and I was so excited because I got to teach about Jesus walking on water! Which is one of my very favorite stories (although I have many). So as I was preparing, I was struggling. I wanted so badly to focus on the miracle that Jesus did in walking on the water. But God was pulling me a different direction. So Wednesday night, I got up to speak... not knowing ENTIRELY where I was going with this.

That happens to be quite often. Sometimes I know right away where God wants me to go, other times, I don't know until the last minute, and still other times, I walk up on that stage without a clue what is going to come out of my mouth. But God has taught me to trust Him and He always comes through! Wednesday was one of those days. I knew where I WASN'T going to go, but I just continued to pray and let God do His thing.

I spoke about how the disciples were scared when they saw Jesus, but as soon as He called out to them, they were no longer afraid. They knew His voice. The reason they knew His voice is because they had a relationship with Him. I talked about the importance of having a relationship with God so you recognize His voice. The story goes on to talk about how the people who he'd left went looking for Him. I talked about how there are times we feel like we cant hear from God... and instead of just waiting around, we need to SEEK Him. At the end, I asked the teens if they wanted to hear from God. I asked them to come to the cross (our version of an alter) and spend time praying and making sure they had a relationship with God and that it was right. And then we prayed and asked that God would speak to them. The cross was FILLED with students.

I began to feel very lightheaded and short of breath the second I walked on that stage. I knew that God was going to do something big because Satan was working overtime. As soon as I finished saying what I had to say, I turned it over to Javier to pray and I went to the back and dropped. I laid on the floor for quite a while trying to get my breath back. In the mean time, God was doing things in the lives of our kids.

I've been struggling lately with feeling inadequate. I've struggled with God's call on my life and wondered if I'm living it out the way He wants me to. Over and over I've doubted myself and what God is doing through me. It's been an ongoing battle the last couple of months, and every time I begin to struggle with it, God gives me encouragement. Usually in the form of a teen that comes and tells me how much they love me and how glad they are that I am their youth pastor. Last week I was really fighting with this. I was feeling more discouraged than I had in a very long time. Before the service, I was asking God just to reveal something to me... to make it clear that I am where I'm supposed to be.

God very clearly showed Himself and the way that He is using me when one of my teens came up to me after almost everyone had gone home. He talked to me about some of the things he'd been thinking about and what was going on in his life. Then he told me he thinks God is calling him to ministry...

I cried.

Because God still does things. God still uses people... even when we feel inadequate.

You see, there are things Ive started taking for granted. I realized that on Wednesday night. I take for granted that there are new kids every week, and every week there are kids returning from the week before. I take for granted that kids respond to our messages EVERY WEEK. I take for granted that our teens worship God with their hearts, regardless of what their friends think. And I take for granted that kids make decisions to accept Christ and follow Him and trust Him.

It is my job to teach these kids... but last week, God taught me a huge lesson.

God still does things.

We have an intern from Biola University. Her name is Sarah. She's been with us now for a little over a year I believe. It is absolutely a God-thing how we ended up with her and she has been a huge blessing. She fits really well with Javier and me, and she does a great job with the kids. Here are a couple of stories I thought I'd share involving her. Sarah, if you're reading this, we love you :) And it's about time you made it on the blog!

On Friday night we were having a discussion with our teens.

Sarah (our intern) was the one leading the discussion at this point. She was trying to get the kids thinking. Oftentimes we'll do that by asking them for a response. That is what she did.

Sarah: God created everything, he looked around and said that it was....
(trying to get the kids to say "good")

Teen: Mine.

* * * * *

Sarah has started teaching the early Sunday School class on Sunday mornings. The first day she was there, she was talking to the kids about what they liked and didn't like about Sunday School. One of the kids said that they didn't like the name... it seemed boring. So Sarah suggested changing it.

Sarah: Well, let's change the name to something awesome. What do you want to call it?

***Silence***

Teen: How about "something awesome".

Sarah: Okay.

"Sunday School" has officially been changed to "Something Awesome".

There are moments that just absolutely crack me up.

And there are kids that crack me up even more.

I have two stories that come from the same teen...

The first one happened a couple of weeks ago.

For this story to make sense, you have to understand the set up of our youth group.
We usually have the kids use the bathrooms that are located outside to keep them from being disruptive to the other services that are going on. Well this kid was still kind of new to the youth group, and he got up to use the bathroom. This is the conversation that took place:

Me: Where are you going?
Teen: I have to go to the bathroom
Me: Okay, well go outside.
Teen: (looking at me as though I'd just asked him to eat a grasshopper) OUTSIDE?!?!?
Me: There are bathrooms out there.
Teen: Oh :)

He hadn't realized that there were bathrooms out there. I guess he thought I wanted him to use a bush.

* * * * *

Wednesday night I was taking this same teen home after youth group. We had another funny conversation that went something like this:

Teen: Is it wrong to ask God for something?
Me: Of course not.
Teen: Even if it's physical?
Me: (thinking he meant physical, like a new bike) You can ask, but it doesn't mean you'll get it.
Teen: Cuz I want a deeper voice.
Me: (Silence)
Teen: Mine is kind of high...
Me: (trying to recover) Well, you can pray and ask God for anything.
Teen: How would I ask for that?
Me: Well how would you ask your mom for something?
Teen: Dear Mom, I'd like a deeper voice, Amen.
Me: Change "mom" to "God" and I think you've got it!

:)

I love my job.
I love my church.
I love my teens.

That's what this blog is about. And usually it is very upbeat and sometimes even funny.

But today... my heart is broken for one of my boys.

I started going to this church almost 8 years ago. There are a couple of kids that are in my youth group that went the the church all the way back then, although they were pretty young. One in particular we will call John (name has been changed). When I came to the church, John was only about 8 years old. He came to church with his grandma and could always be counted on to be in the children's musicals, and sitting in church on Sunday morning. He joined the youth group as a 6th grader when I was a senior. He was one of those kids that everyone loved. People would always donate money to get him to camps and events, knowing that he probably wouldn't be able to go otherwise. 5 years later he is still one of my teens. He has been with me since I started working with the junior highers almost 5 years ago.

I have watched over the years as the other kids have lost their excitement for church and for God. But John has just grown stronger in his relationship with God, and still has that glimmer of excitement in his eye when he walks through the doors of the church.

I've watched the other kids go through rebellious stages... as they've treated their parents with disrespect and gotten upset with the adults in their lives. John continued to walk his grandma into each service, sit with her, and take care of her. He was good to his parents who eventually began coming to church as well. He would leave youth group if his grandma needed him, he'd go home early because his mom had to pick him up then... with a smile on his face and not one complaint from his lips.

While other teens have been disrespectful to me, cussed me out, said mean things to me, and taken advantage of me, John has encouraged me and lifted me up... even when it's supposed to be the other way around.

Last week I got the news that John's grandmother had passed away. She's been sick for some time and it has been a struggle for her, but John has been there with her through it all, loving her just as much. I knew that he would be torn apart. I immediately called him to see how he was doing. He was sad, I could tell. But there was still this bit of hope in his voice... because that's just who John is. Even in the midst of the most difficult thing he's probably ever had to go through, he remained kind hearted and hopeful.

Sunday morning during the service, John went to the cross (which is what we have instead of an alter). I went to pray for him, and as soon as I placed my hand on his back, I felt the sobs that were shaking his body. I knelt down next to him and grabbed his shoulders. I sat there as he cried and I began to cry too. I knew that he was hurting... and I hurt for him. He looked up at me and simply said, "I miss her so much."

He went on to say that if it weren't for her, he wouldn't be where he was... he probably wouldn't even be a Christian.... that he was so happy knowing she was with Jesus, but it hurt him to lose her. I told him that she had been so proud of him, and that I knew he would live his life continuing to make her proud. And to make God proud. I told him that one day, he would see her again...

...and he cried...

...and I cried...

...and my heart broke again...

Because no matter how much I try to just be their youth pastor... no matter how much I try to keep things professional to some degree... These kids are my heart. And when they hurt... I hurt too.

So today... my heart is hurting for John.
For his family.
For the people who loved his grandmother.

But it is also full of joy for the fact that she IS with Jesus....
....for who John has become because she cared enough to bring that little boy to church...
...for John's parents who now love Jesus too... because he showed them God's love...
And for every life that John will touch... because I know that one day, there is going to be a group of people that looks back on their lives and credits John, and his heart, for who they have become.

Because that is just who John is.
And I am so blessed that God allowed me to be his youth pastor.

...although typical for us...

...is really not typical at all :)

We have a service called TNT. Basically it is an alternative service that happens at the same time as our main service. It is held in the gym where it's dark, the worship music is loud, we have coffee and doughnuts and it's much more laid back and relaxed. One of the things about this service is that it requires a lot of set up. And right now, our teens are doing most of that.

Sometimes it's hard to remember that they are still teenagers...

...but they always have a way of reminding us:


I'll leave you with a couple of pictures from Sunday:
This is our "alter". It's a cross.

One of our kids is really into wrestling.

Not the kind you do on a mat in high school.

The kind where you throw things at each other and do ridiculous moves.

I wouldn't think of this as being a problem...

...until he hit me with a chair....

Apparently, he wanted to try out one of the moves.

I forgot to post this picture from when we went to PLNU... and really, it deserves it's own post:
Yes, that is Isaac.
And yes that is the trunk of my car.

We've got a group of teens that have started a worship band. The band plays on Wednesday nights before we teach. We've been talking to them a lot about how important their role is. They lead people in worship, and really set the tone for the rest of the service, and for what God is going to say through the message.

Sometimes we talk and talk and it sure seems like it goes in one ear and out the other.

On Wednesday night I realized that sometimes, it sticks.

The kids were kind of messing around during worship, so right in the middle of it, Isaac, our guitar player, stops playing and gives the youth group quite a lesson. I quickly pulled out my phone when I realized where it was going and caught most of it on tape:



It's a little hard to hear, but he basically says that it inst about how they sound, God doesn't care, He just wants us to worship Him. He goes on to say, who cares if you look silly or if people look at you, sing, dance, raise your hands, whatever... just worship God. (that's a bit of a paraphrase :)

Winter Camp is coming up soon.

I was making a plug for it in Sunday School. A few of the kids had just gone to starbucks and were drinking their fancy little drinks (welcome to Southern California youth ministry).

There is a cost to the camp, so I was telling the kids to save their pennies. Here is what followed:

Teen 1: Aw man, I just threw all that change in the tip jar at starbucks!
Teen 2: Dude, it was like 30 cents
Teen 1: No... oh well, yeah.

Later on in Sunday School we were talking about Sanctification. I was trying to explain in "kid terms" what it means. So I used this example:

Before you become a Christian, you're driving down the road in a car and Jesus is running along side of you. When you become a Christian, you let Jesus get into your car for the ride. When you become Sanctified, you let Jesus drive and you sit in the passenger seat.

To which one of the kids responds: "But does He drive full speed?"

There are times when life is hard.

There are a lot of those times when you're a youth pastor.

Oftentimes I find myself discouraged... frustrated... and just feeling down.

But God has this really cool way of turning that around.

At the end of Sunday School, I always ask if anyone would like to pray. It used to be that the kids would volunteer each other, so I'd make the kid that didn't want to pray pray. Then one day I realized that I was using prayer as a punishment (which was never my intention but that was what it had become). So I stopped doing that and started talking to them about what a privilege it is to pray and how much joy God must get when He sees that we want to talk to Him.

So when Sunday School ended last week, I was about to ask if anyone would like to pray. But before I had the chance, one of my teens raised his hand and started saying "oh me, oh, oh me!" you know... like kids do when they cant contain themselves...

And then he says something I wasn't expecting: "Can I pray? PLEASE?"

Possibly one of the best moments of my life.