I am sitting at my grandma's house in Oregon. Every year we head up this direction for Christmas to visit our family. This year, we're sitting in the middle of a blizzard :)

Last week in Sunday School, we were talking about my upcoming trip. I said that I was going to bring my Nike Cortez shoes (if you dont know what I'm talking about, read this blog before you continue). This is how the conversation went:

Diandra: "I'm one tough cookie... they won't know what to do with me in Oregon" :)
Teen: "More like a THUG cookie"
Diandra: "What exactly is a thug cookie?"
Teen: "It's a cookie with LA written on it and Nike Cortez shoes."

Sunday Mornings we have a service that we call TNT. It's our service that is more contemporary and aimed at teens, college students and young adults. We have loud, upbeat worship and then when it's time for the sermon, the show the main service sermon on a big screen. Javier and I are the pastors in the TNT service.

Last Sunday, as the service started, there was something not right. We were having sound issues, people were distracted and the worship was off. So a couple of songs into it, I stopped the service. We stopped and prayed together and asked God to take away the distractions and be in the midst of the service. Then we started again.

And the service was amazing.

It's so cool to see how God continually answers prayer, and continually shows up at church with us :)

I was looking around during the sermon at the array of different people in the service. A large portion of that service is made up of teens. And as much as we have emphasized the fact that this is NOT a teen service, I got to thinking... how many of these teens would be in church at all if we didn't have this service? I came to the conclusion that even if the service never grows... even if it stays EXACTLY where it is now (which I don't believe it will), it is worth the work that has gone into it, because it is accomplishing a lot. It is reaching people that quite possibly wouldn't be in church otherwise.

I wanted to share a couple of stories of what God has been doing in our youth group. Because even in 2008... God still does things!

Last week I was preparing to teach. We've been going through the book of John bit by bit. It was my turn to teach and I was so excited because I got to teach about Jesus walking on water! Which is one of my very favorite stories (although I have many). So as I was preparing, I was struggling. I wanted so badly to focus on the miracle that Jesus did in walking on the water. But God was pulling me a different direction. So Wednesday night, I got up to speak... not knowing ENTIRELY where I was going with this.

That happens to be quite often. Sometimes I know right away where God wants me to go, other times, I don't know until the last minute, and still other times, I walk up on that stage without a clue what is going to come out of my mouth. But God has taught me to trust Him and He always comes through! Wednesday was one of those days. I knew where I WASN'T going to go, but I just continued to pray and let God do His thing.

I spoke about how the disciples were scared when they saw Jesus, but as soon as He called out to them, they were no longer afraid. They knew His voice. The reason they knew His voice is because they had a relationship with Him. I talked about the importance of having a relationship with God so you recognize His voice. The story goes on to talk about how the people who he'd left went looking for Him. I talked about how there are times we feel like we cant hear from God... and instead of just waiting around, we need to SEEK Him. At the end, I asked the teens if they wanted to hear from God. I asked them to come to the cross (our version of an alter) and spend time praying and making sure they had a relationship with God and that it was right. And then we prayed and asked that God would speak to them. The cross was FILLED with students.

I began to feel very lightheaded and short of breath the second I walked on that stage. I knew that God was going to do something big because Satan was working overtime. As soon as I finished saying what I had to say, I turned it over to Javier to pray and I went to the back and dropped. I laid on the floor for quite a while trying to get my breath back. In the mean time, God was doing things in the lives of our kids.

I've been struggling lately with feeling inadequate. I've struggled with God's call on my life and wondered if I'm living it out the way He wants me to. Over and over I've doubted myself and what God is doing through me. It's been an ongoing battle the last couple of months, and every time I begin to struggle with it, God gives me encouragement. Usually in the form of a teen that comes and tells me how much they love me and how glad they are that I am their youth pastor. Last week I was really fighting with this. I was feeling more discouraged than I had in a very long time. Before the service, I was asking God just to reveal something to me... to make it clear that I am where I'm supposed to be.

God very clearly showed Himself and the way that He is using me when one of my teens came up to me after almost everyone had gone home. He talked to me about some of the things he'd been thinking about and what was going on in his life. Then he told me he thinks God is calling him to ministry...

I cried.

Because God still does things. God still uses people... even when we feel inadequate.

You see, there are things Ive started taking for granted. I realized that on Wednesday night. I take for granted that there are new kids every week, and every week there are kids returning from the week before. I take for granted that kids respond to our messages EVERY WEEK. I take for granted that our teens worship God with their hearts, regardless of what their friends think. And I take for granted that kids make decisions to accept Christ and follow Him and trust Him.

It is my job to teach these kids... but last week, God taught me a huge lesson.

God still does things.

I am fairly young. And more than that, I really still LOOK young. Oftentimes I am confused with my teens... people will ask me if I know where the youth pastor is :) Sometimes I worry that it is hard for my teens to look at me as an adult because of this.

A few days ago, I was listening to some music with one of the kids... a lot of it was music from the 90's. The kid turns to me and says,

"Do you know all these songs? They're oldies."

It was at that moment that I realized they do see me as an adult... and apparently an old one :)

I will be preaching in the main Spanish service a week from Friday.

I am so excited.

I am so nervous.

Just wanted to share.

We have an intern from Biola University. Her name is Sarah. She's been with us now for a little over a year I believe. It is absolutely a God-thing how we ended up with her and she has been a huge blessing. She fits really well with Javier and me, and she does a great job with the kids. Here are a couple of stories I thought I'd share involving her. Sarah, if you're reading this, we love you :) And it's about time you made it on the blog!

On Friday night we were having a discussion with our teens.

Sarah (our intern) was the one leading the discussion at this point. She was trying to get the kids thinking. Oftentimes we'll do that by asking them for a response. That is what she did.

Sarah: God created everything, he looked around and said that it was....
(trying to get the kids to say "good")

Teen: Mine.

* * * * *

Sarah has started teaching the early Sunday School class on Sunday mornings. The first day she was there, she was talking to the kids about what they liked and didn't like about Sunday School. One of the kids said that they didn't like the name... it seemed boring. So Sarah suggested changing it.

Sarah: Well, let's change the name to something awesome. What do you want to call it?

***Silence***

Teen: How about "something awesome".

Sarah: Okay.

"Sunday School" has officially been changed to "Something Awesome".

There are moments that just absolutely crack me up.

And there are kids that crack me up even more.

I have two stories that come from the same teen...

The first one happened a couple of weeks ago.

For this story to make sense, you have to understand the set up of our youth group.
We usually have the kids use the bathrooms that are located outside to keep them from being disruptive to the other services that are going on. Well this kid was still kind of new to the youth group, and he got up to use the bathroom. This is the conversation that took place:

Me: Where are you going?
Teen: I have to go to the bathroom
Me: Okay, well go outside.
Teen: (looking at me as though I'd just asked him to eat a grasshopper) OUTSIDE?!?!?
Me: There are bathrooms out there.
Teen: Oh :)

He hadn't realized that there were bathrooms out there. I guess he thought I wanted him to use a bush.

* * * * *

Wednesday night I was taking this same teen home after youth group. We had another funny conversation that went something like this:

Teen: Is it wrong to ask God for something?
Me: Of course not.
Teen: Even if it's physical?
Me: (thinking he meant physical, like a new bike) You can ask, but it doesn't mean you'll get it.
Teen: Cuz I want a deeper voice.
Me: (Silence)
Teen: Mine is kind of high...
Me: (trying to recover) Well, you can pray and ask God for anything.
Teen: How would I ask for that?
Me: Well how would you ask your mom for something?
Teen: Dear Mom, I'd like a deeper voice, Amen.
Me: Change "mom" to "God" and I think you've got it!

:)

I love my job.
I love my church.
I love my teens.

That's what this blog is about. And usually it is very upbeat and sometimes even funny.

But today... my heart is broken for one of my boys.

I started going to this church almost 8 years ago. There are a couple of kids that are in my youth group that went the the church all the way back then, although they were pretty young. One in particular we will call John (name has been changed). When I came to the church, John was only about 8 years old. He came to church with his grandma and could always be counted on to be in the children's musicals, and sitting in church on Sunday morning. He joined the youth group as a 6th grader when I was a senior. He was one of those kids that everyone loved. People would always donate money to get him to camps and events, knowing that he probably wouldn't be able to go otherwise. 5 years later he is still one of my teens. He has been with me since I started working with the junior highers almost 5 years ago.

I have watched over the years as the other kids have lost their excitement for church and for God. But John has just grown stronger in his relationship with God, and still has that glimmer of excitement in his eye when he walks through the doors of the church.

I've watched the other kids go through rebellious stages... as they've treated their parents with disrespect and gotten upset with the adults in their lives. John continued to walk his grandma into each service, sit with her, and take care of her. He was good to his parents who eventually began coming to church as well. He would leave youth group if his grandma needed him, he'd go home early because his mom had to pick him up then... with a smile on his face and not one complaint from his lips.

While other teens have been disrespectful to me, cussed me out, said mean things to me, and taken advantage of me, John has encouraged me and lifted me up... even when it's supposed to be the other way around.

Last week I got the news that John's grandmother had passed away. She's been sick for some time and it has been a struggle for her, but John has been there with her through it all, loving her just as much. I knew that he would be torn apart. I immediately called him to see how he was doing. He was sad, I could tell. But there was still this bit of hope in his voice... because that's just who John is. Even in the midst of the most difficult thing he's probably ever had to go through, he remained kind hearted and hopeful.

Sunday morning during the service, John went to the cross (which is what we have instead of an alter). I went to pray for him, and as soon as I placed my hand on his back, I felt the sobs that were shaking his body. I knelt down next to him and grabbed his shoulders. I sat there as he cried and I began to cry too. I knew that he was hurting... and I hurt for him. He looked up at me and simply said, "I miss her so much."

He went on to say that if it weren't for her, he wouldn't be where he was... he probably wouldn't even be a Christian.... that he was so happy knowing she was with Jesus, but it hurt him to lose her. I told him that she had been so proud of him, and that I knew he would live his life continuing to make her proud. And to make God proud. I told him that one day, he would see her again...

...and he cried...

...and I cried...

...and my heart broke again...

Because no matter how much I try to just be their youth pastor... no matter how much I try to keep things professional to some degree... These kids are my heart. And when they hurt... I hurt too.

So today... my heart is hurting for John.
For his family.
For the people who loved his grandmother.

But it is also full of joy for the fact that she IS with Jesus....
....for who John has become because she cared enough to bring that little boy to church...
...for John's parents who now love Jesus too... because he showed them God's love...
And for every life that John will touch... because I know that one day, there is going to be a group of people that looks back on their lives and credits John, and his heart, for who they have become.

Because that is just who John is.
And I am so blessed that God allowed me to be his youth pastor.